Norah Jones is playing in the background. I'm sitting cross-legged on the floor in my bedroom. It's dark outside. My fluffy rabbit is hopping  all around, jumping on and off my legs. I love the fact that she's completely litter-trained and I can just give her free reign of my bedroom for hours at a time. But that was all just a surface side-note.

Here's some things that have happened in my life lately that have left me pondering. Some more than others: My best friend is engaged. I have made friends with a really nice person, albeit gay. My nursing program is so involved I usually don't leave school until after six or seven in the evening, although my classes end around three. I am realizing more and more that I am currently spiritually lax in many areas, sometimes it's because I just don't want to search for the truth, and other times it's because I could literally care less. And yet, in other areas of doctrine/spirituality, I am unbending. How important is practicing what you preach? My relationships with some of my family members are not what they should be. I am increasingly fearful of getting old. I am beginning to acknowledge the fact that I am horrible with children. I've always feared it, but the reactions my mother and sister give to how I interact with my four-year old brother have finally started to have an affect. At least I can honestly say that in that area I have started to consciously improve. I have furiously begun to fight to become independent once again. I had forgotten until this year how important it was to my sanity. I never want to be something I am not. Tried it. Crap and misery- "Don't try this at home, kids." I'm thinking about going to Thailand by myself for six months to a year shortly after I graduate to do medical missions work. I'm looking for a book/cd to start learning Thai. I've come to the conclusion that I want to change my current look- growing my hair and my bangs out (I've had them since I was two) and losing weight, as I want a more refined image. I'm not a little kid or even a high-schooler anymore. I wonder every now and then if I should have become a vetrinarian. So, there you are. Although I really wrote this for myself. Sometimes I need to write or say something for it to become real. I think that's how many people are though. Why? I don't know.